Birth Preferences: Why I Use This Term Instead of Birth Plan

When people hear “birth plan,” it can feel a little too rigid. Birth is unpredictable, and no piece of paper can map out exactly how your experience will unfold. That’s why I prefer the term birth preferences.

Birth preferences are not about controlling every detail. Instead, they give us a chance to outline the most common choices you may be faced with during labor and delivery. As your doula, this is one of my favorite things to work on with you. Sitting down together gives us space to talk through your options, your past experiences with medical staff, and what matters most to you. It’s not just a checklist — it’s a conversation starter.

Another benefit is how it encourages communication between you and your partner. These conversations often go deeper than, “Do you want the lights dimmed?” or “Do you want music playing?” They spark dialogue about your values, your boundaries, and how you’d like your partner to be involved. This can also include talking about what words encourage you and which words you absolutely do not want to hear in the middle of a contraction. These details matter, and they give your partner clear ways to show up for you.

Birth preferences can also serve as a helpful guide for your medical team. It’s a way to let them know the path you’d like to take. That said, your providers should still be checking in with you verbally about every decision, and you can always change your mind in the moment. Birth is fluid, and your preferences are there to support you, not box you in.

At the end of the day, birth preferences are less about writing the “perfect” script and more about making sure your voice is heard, your partner is empowered, and you both feel prepared to navigate whatever path your birth takes.

Let me know what you think about birth plans on this week’s episode of Contractions and Controversy.